[GinTama]
[This opening is a parody of "Ultraman."]
[VALENTINE'S DAY]
[SPECIAL EFFECT DELUSION SERIES]
[Note: Parody of SPECIAL EFFECT FANTASY SERIES of Ultraman.]
[SPACE OPERATION No.1]
[Note: Parody of Ultraman's first episode, "Ultra Operation No.1"]
[REMARKS]
[When watching TV,]
[make sure the room is well lit]
[and keep a good distance from the screen.]
[Enjoy the show. Coming up next...]
["GinTama" starts!]
[Monster Shogun Colonel Cherry appears.]
...Yeah...yeah...I know that.
Yeah, that's right. I'll do that. ...Yeah.
Thank you. That's right.
I'll talk to you later.
Duwa!
[Note: "Duwa" is a spoof of how Ultraman always says "Shuwa."]
[February 14th is national Valentine's day!! I heard it's the day bishop Valentine was executed...]
[...for fighting against the free marriage ban in 269 AD. It had nothing to do with chocolate, right?]
[Valentine's Day Fair]
This is Ketsuno reporting.
Currently, all chocolate shops have special Valentine's Day sales.
Ouch! As you can see, the shops are really crowded!
What are you doing?!
Ugly girls like you can forget about Valentine's Day!
Idiots!
Die, you ugly girl!
Valentine's Day?
Gin-chan, what's Valentine's Day?
Ah, today is Valentine's Day. I forgot about it.
Valentine's Day is when a woman gives chocolates to a man to express her feelings for him.
That's right, today is Valentine's Day. I completely forgot about it.
Well, it doesn't involve us.
Most people on TV are probably buying "obligation chocolate," right?
It's a bad custom. They have such devious intentions.
Anyway, our country is really strange.
We have Christmas and Valentine's Day... Yet we still celebrate traditional New Year's, too.
People have no principles at all. They just want an excuse to party, I guess.
I agree. In Japan, we only need to celebrate New Year's and Obon.
[Note: Obon is a Buddhist festival to honor ancestral spirits.]
Why do you two look so different today?
Huh?
What do you mean? We're no different than usual.
Huh? Do we look like we were expecting something? Like chocolates?
Hey, don't get us wrong. You sound like you think we're shameless guys.
We can eat chocolates any time.
We can always buy them ourselves.
Huh? But Shipachi, did you change your look a bit?
Huh? Not at all. Ah, I woke up this morning with "bed head," so that's probably it.
Gin-san, you look really chic today, too.
You're too conscious of Valentine's Day.
I'm no different today than usual.
I'm the same as always, the same Gin-san you know and love.
Yes!
Wait! Gin-san, I'll get the door. Let me do it!
No, let me do it this time. What? Are you expecting someone to bring chocolates?
Ah. You, too.
Excuse me. I came to collect gas fees.
You're not invited!
God, please give some chocolate to those pathetic men.
Wh-What?!
Hey! What the heck is this?!
From the sky...
...a huge piece of chocolate...
Welcome!
Megaton Valentine's Day!
Ah, this must be for me. It's probably from Setsuko-chan from the teahouse.
No! Perhaps it's for me!
It may be from Sayaka-chan, who went to the temple school with me.
Ah...hey... Please don't touch my belongings without permission.
That's mine.
Give it back to me.
["Even A Hero Has Issues"]
All right.
Breathe into this!
Ah, it's higher than the acceptable limit. You've been drinking, haven't you?
Mr. Policeman, could you please not suspend my flying license?
If I can't fly in the sky, I won't be able to work.
What will I do when the monsters appear?
Well, but I'm just doing my job, too.
Fortunately, these people say that, as long as you pay for repairs, they won't press charges.
Please be more careful in the future.
Don't fly after drinking, and don't drink if you fly. It's common sense.
Yes...
Well, come down to the station later.
I'm sorry! I caused you a lot of trouble.
No, no, no, no, no! It's all right.
Luckily, no one was injured. You needn't bow to us.
Well... Um... Huh? Well, you're a kind of hero from outer space, aren't you?
[Note: Shinpachi is posing like Ultraman.]
Well, not a hero, but a heroine. I'm a girl.
Ah... I see.
I'm doing it as the so-called Spacewoman.
[Note: Parody of Ultraman.]
Ah, then your job is to kind of protect the Earth, right?
No, I came to Earth on a business trip.
Business trip? Your job has business trips?!
Sorry, but I am not assigned to a small-scale area, like Earth.
You see I am in charge of a much larger area.
I work day and night to keep peace in the universe.
It sounds amazing. Your work area is huge.
[Weekly schedule]
Monday and Tuesday, I help out around the house.
[Weekly schedule] [Mon & Tue: Housekeeping]
And Wednesday through Friday, I patrol around the house.
[Weekly schedule] [Mon & Tue: Housekeeping] [Wed Thus Fri: Patrol around the house]
[Sat & Sun: Off]
I have a five-day workweek.
Hey! You're just protecting your own home then!
By the way, um... that thing...
Ah, you mean the chocolate?
Sorry to say this, but a piece broke off after it hit the ground.
No, there are teeth marks on it.
I was trying to do my best, but...
Do your best for what?
I see. I made the mistake of drinking to help me get over my nervousness.
Nervousness... Were you planning on giving this chocolate to somebody?
Hey, it looks like you're worried about something. Can we help?
You know, I'm Gin of the Odd Jobs. You're a hero who protects the universe.
I have similar duties. I'm like a hero who protects Edo. Sort of!
That's sort of a lie! And you're trying to look cool by eating the chocolate.
The chocolate is the problem!
Shut up! She's the heroine who ensures peace in the universe.
She must have a lot of money. This woman could be a real sucker.
How can you say something like that about a helpless heroine?
You're the root of all evil.
Ah!
Something that looks like a timer is blinking!
Don't tell me! You have to leave Earth!
[Note: Ultraman has a timer on his chest that gives him three minutes before he has to leave Earth.]
No, it's nothing like that.
But every three minutes, I have to call home. Otherwise...
...I feel like I've been sucked into the wild urban jungle of the big city.
I'd feel like I'm losing my roots.
How badly do you want to go home?!
Ah, Mom? Yeah, I'm fine. Ah, thanks for the rice. I'm eating well.
Every three minutes? What kind of life does her mom have?
She's always standing by?
Yes, that's right.
No... I don't have someone like that. I'm too busy working, so... Yeah... Well... Wait...
Enough already! I'm ensuring peace in the universe!
You want a grandchild, but I don't live that kind of vulgar life!
It looks like she hung up in a huff.
Why do we have to hear about this superwoman's family quarrels?
Huh?
What's that?
I-It's a monster!
Woman-san! That monster is...!
Supe-chan! Did you come to Earth to defeat him?
Huh?
What's wrong?
I'm going to be 37 years old this year.
I passed the marriageable age a long time ago and am a so-called loser.
I was so focused on ensuring peace in the universe, that before I knew it,
I had become an old woman.
No matter how good a woman is,
if she doesn't give a man a chance, no one will pursue her.
That's my problem.
As I was protecting the peace of the universe, I never gave anyone a chance.
Because I was too busy protecting the peace in the universe!
If I give anyone a chance and get distracted, the monsters will win.
I've hardly ever been in love.
I've been deceived by bad guys...
I was even in a dangerous love affair with my boss, who had a wife and children.
I believed him when he said he would get a divorce someday, and I cried so many times.
One day, I had endured too much. I followed him in an attempt to destroy his family.
Duwa!
But then I saw him!
When he was with his family,
he had a warm smile that I'd never seen before. Then I thought...
My Vanadium Ray can't be used to destroy other people's happiness.
[Note: Vanadium Ray is a parody of Specium Ray from Ultraman.]
What kind of heroine are you? You're just a plain office lady!
I was really lonely. I just wanted someone to talk to.
That's why I was with that kind of guy.
Since then, I've hit bottom.
I hung around nightspots night after night, and I spent time with all kinds of monsters.
Why monsters?!
I learned a lot of skills, like using the Vanadium Ray.
What kind of skills?!
And... When I was tired, drained, full of despair
and had really fallen, he appeared.
Sir, I'm closing the bar.
Please wake up, sir. Your family will be worried.
He was just like me. No, he was the total opposite.
That's all right. There's no one at home, anyway.
Right... In order to conquer the universe,
he devoted himself to conquering space and passed the marriageable age.
I felt he would understand me.
I felt he would accept me.
Right... He...
Monster Shogun Colonel Cherry!
Huh?
That guy?
What?!
Are you going to give Valentine's Day chocolates to Monster Shogun, the enemy?!
No, no, no, no! That's ridiculous! Ridiculous!
Even if you've passed the marriageable age, you're being ridiculous!
In order to lure their general out, I've defeated numerous monsters.
I thought you were fighting for the sake of protecting peace in the universe!
Finally the time has come. Now is my only chance to declare my love.
Hey! This woman is only thinking about marriageable age issues!
Calm down, Shinpachi. The opponent is the enemy's general.
If her love declaration succeeds, then they'll reconcile and the universe will be at peace.
That kind of universal peace is just disgusting!
You, Spacewoman, have finally come!
Causing couples who are excited about Valentine's Day to break up...
Causing the birthrate decline...
Causing the population decline...
And on and on... And my plans for taking over the universe...
You dare disturb me?
Huh? Even without things like that, the universe can still be peaceful, right?
Colonel Cherry. You're wrong. Today... Um... Well...
What's the matter?! He's the enemy!
Why are you suddenly turning your back on him?!
To tell you the truth... I've never made any love declarations before.
Don't worry. Supe-chan, you're the heroine of the universe.
You must've overcome all your hardships.
Yes, I always rushed to people when they requested help.
I always gave my body and heart to men whenever they wanted.
I was a convenient woman.
That's me.
Hey! You're talking about a totally different subject!
A person like me... Now...
It's too late...
For me to bring out courage like that of a high school girl...
...no way.
I don't know what you're doing, but it's foolish to turn your back on your enemy.
Whoa! This is bad! Woman-san!
Take this!
Wait!
Duwa!
Deden...
Hmm... A rookie?
He's on our side, right?! He must be here to save us!
Ouch!
Spacewoman...
Hiroshi-san...
Eh...
I've separated with my wife! Come back to me!
I love only you!
What?!
You're the boss she was talking about?!
We thought you came here to defeat the monster!
It's too late now! I can't believe what you just said!
Please! Let's start over again! And let's open a ranch in Argentina!
[Note: Spoof of the musical movie "Down Argentine Way."]
Stop it!
Duwa...
...You really hate me...
But, I can't back out now...
I'll make you come with me, even by force... Duwa!
What kind of atmosphere is this? It looks like another opponent has arrived.
I don't get it. What kind of lovers' spat is this?
I don't hate him... Rather... My heart is trembling...
Why is it so weak...my heart?!
Supe-chan, don't believe him!
He can't commit to his own family! That means he can't commit to you, either!
Hello, Mom!
Sorry about earlier... Yes... I'm busy now, but I wanted to call you...
Listen, Mom has something to tell you. Your daddy's health...
...He won't last two years.
So...at the very least. I hope he can see his grandchild.
Mom...
Akiko...
Dad!
Even if your mom says something like that...don't worry about it.
But...my last wish is to see...my daughter's...
...happiness as a woman...
Dad...
I hope you'll be able to be happy...Akiko.
Thinking about my dad,
I'd better go with Hiroshi-san, who has some economic clout...
But...my heart now...
I don't know what I should do...
I've been fighting to protect peace in the universe.
That was for the sake of people's happiness... But...
Duwa!
...I don't know how to fight for my own happiness.
What are you saying?!
Regardless of whether they're a hero or heroine,
they don't know how to find happiness.
Even with Goku getting married and having kids...
[Note: Goku is the main character of Dragon Ball.]
Perhaps even the author, as well as Goku himself, didn't expect that.
You've been fighting for other people for a long time, right?
Then it's okay if you are just a bit selfish. There's nothing wrong with that, I guess.
Hiroshi-san.
I'm really happy to hear your declaration of love.
Spacewoman...
However...!
Duwa?!
You're in the past! You're an enemy to my future happiness!
What are you talking about, Spacewo-?
Derya!
Good-bye, Hiroshi-san! Good-bye to the old me!
Now, I can start being the new me.
That was way too harsh on your Boss!
That's you being just "a bit selfish"?! That was way overboard!
Duwa!
I'm sorry for saying such a bold thing!
Fight among yourselves, Spacewoman!
I wouldn't know what to do if you two conspired against me!
But I'm saved!
I'm really saved!
Why are you saying that with such confidence?!
Co-Colonel Cherry... A-Actually...
What? You look like you've frozen up!
Am I too frightening an opponent for you?
Huh? What's this?!
Hey, what's going on?! Come on!
Why won't you talk to me?!
If you don't fight me...
...I'll start attacking!
Take this!
Please...be gentle.
H-Hey, w-wait! W-What is this?!
What's wrong with you?!
You've been acting so disgusting!
What are you doing?! You're on our side, right?!
A guy like that...hurry up and beat him!
Huh? That girl has been blushing for a while.
What?! Could it be that she likes him?
Hey, shut up, girls!
There's no way!
Stop joking! Shut up!
Tsk.
Hey, Cherry! Cherry!
Come with us to the back of the school.
Spacewoman-san has something to say to you.
Wh-What?! I'm not going.
I have to go to club activities and my friends are waiting for me.
Hey, Cherry, how many chocolates did you get today?
It's none of your business! What?! I didn't get anything like that!
Well!
Ah! Hey!
That's great! Maybe you'll get one today!
Wait...
Stop it!
Cherry-kun.
Oh, it's you, Pachie.
Hey, Cherry-kun, this year your Valentine's Day will be...
...the best Valentine's Day ever!
Shut up, ugly girl.
Gee.
Damn it. Where did they go?
S-Spacewoman...
Well... Ah...
...What? You go first.
No... Cherry-kun, you go first...
Come on! Go for it!
Spacewoman-san, tell him!
Please use my chocolate!
Mine, too!
And mine!
Mine, too!
Me, too!
This, too!
Me, too!
Good luck, Spacewoman!
Wh-What are you girls doing?!
Cherry-kun...
Will you accept my heart?
...Spacewoman...
Cherry-kun...
It's like...
...embarrassing.
You doing something like this to me...
Deyaa!
Ah, Mom? Yes. Today, I...protected the peace...of the universe.
[Preview]
Kill me! Kill me!
Even if I live, I'm just destined to dance a bloody rondo all my life.
[Note: Rondo is music used for a circular dance.]
Please finish me now!
The next episode... "When Riding A Train, Make Sure You Grab The Straps With Both Hands."
[He was arrested on charges of being a pervert. Madao, Taizo Hasegawa (38 years old).]
[He tries to clear himself of a false accusation, but Prosecutor Haga challenges him!]